How To Overcome Painful Experiences ?
Do you sometimes go through life feeling like you are not really living, that your life has been drained of all its joy? When you feel like you are being buried alive trying to shoulder the weight of all your problems? Everyone is out to get you, your debts are piling up, your relationship is falling apart or maybe your partner left you, you have been alone for years and that loneliness has become your closest companion…
You feel lost, and you are at your wit’s end. You can not sleep, though sleep is very important and sleep deprivation is even used as a form of torture. You wake up in the middle of the night, your heart racing so fast you feel like it is going to burst out of your chest. Your diet is no good, you drink and do drugs, and other things that only do you harm. You think, “Why me? Why is this happening to me again? I’m tired of this life, I’m tired of living like this, I’ve had enough of all this”.
Whatever your beliefs, you pray, you cry out to God, the angels, Buddha, the universe, the heavens… You feel like no one is listening because the problems are still there, life is still putting you to the test and you want it to stop, now.
None of us is a stranger to life’s trials, be it grieving a loved one, a job, a breakup of a relationship… Or you could be morning an old home, a friendship, a project you really wanted to take off, but it never did. Our lives are full of grief, even for small things.
Grief is when life suddenly dashes our dreams and hopes for a person, a project, a situation, depriving us of that experience. It leaves us angry, sad, confused and lost.
Processing emotional pain
At that moment, we would give anything to change things but at the same time lack the courage, the strength, the energy. We don’t want to show our distress, our vulnerability, our inner turmoil to the outside world because we feel we must look put-together, assure everyone that everything is fine.
But those times of emotional pain when we feel like we barely exist anymore come into our lives for a reason. Yes, those times when you wake up in the middle of the night, when you are fuming in anger, when the tears won’t stop flowing but there is nothing you can do to stop it because you feel alone, you feel as though you have run out of options.
Know that during these moments your soul is awakening, it is pushing you to make room for new things in your life, urging you to get rid of the old, to start moving towards a future where you will thrive. These painful experiences are called “the dark nights of the soul”. They bring hurt, discomfort, but as hateful as they are, they can be helpful, too.
Going through these dark times, we think losing a loved one, losing a job, or missing out on an opportunity cannot possibly be good for us. We do not want to acknowledge that this explosive mix of emotions – of pain, sadness, and anger – is what motivates us to overcome the challenges life puts in our path.
Yet as human beings, self-awareness, intelligence, resilience, and zest for life are part of who we are. These qualities are sealed in our DNA. We were put on this Earth to live, to enjoy life, to flourish, to overcome obstacles, and get back up if life ever beats us down.
When you go through these moments and battle this darkness, know that life put them in your path to shake you awake, expand your consciousness, so you could grow and thus become happier, more fulfilled. After every period of darkness, comes rebirth.
How to improve your life ?
You must welcome this pain if you want to overcome it, so you can shed your old self, change, and embrace new life, new love, find joy and fulfillment. This will make you a more conscious person, someone capable of conquering difficulties and recognizing problems without losing yourself to them completely.
Unpleasant experiences and worries will follow us our whole lives, but never will we deal with them the same way twice, because every obstacle makes us wiser and stronger.
By reviving your love for life, you will have gained in wisdom, in serenity. This light might grow weak sometimes but it never truly goes out. It is only waiting to be rekindled to breathe life into your dreams, to inspire them. It is important to learn from these experiences, to draw lessons on how to be stronger, wiser, better. No matter how hard life gets for you, never underestimate your resilience.
You are a good and wonderful person. You can have and be anything you want. Do not ever let anyone tell you otherwise. But to achieve your dreams, to keep that fire burning, it is important to work on yourself, grow and evolve.
I am a Brussels-based certified life coach here to advise and help clients, especially business owners and managers, in both personal and professional matters.
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